Hellloooo (: So this week I decided to go for a more serious blog post. The subject is really personal to me and sometimes just thinking about it puts me in a sad mood and Im pretty sure I'm not the only who has been in that place.
Depression
Everyone goes through depression at some point in their life. For some its death, family, friends, drugs, or relationships. I went through depression around last year and it was really terrifying. You're in a place were there's no happiness. All you feel and think about is how terrible you are...and you cant really escape it. A place where you feel useless and a waste of space. You cant sleep because your mind is literally thinking of a thousand ways why you're not worth it. You break down in tears everyday wondering if you're worth living. The worst thing during this time is that you're alone. If you tell someone, they might think you just want attention or just dramatic..and I think thats why there's a-lot of teens out there committing suicide. We usually put people that go through depression in a stereotype. Emo's, goth, sometimes blazers...but why? why do we do this when actually the nerd and the cheerleader go though it?
When I went through depression, I had no friends. My best friend from 5th grade up to sophomore year was gone. She started a new life with new friends. During that time in school, I noticed I couldn't pay attention in class, and when I did, I couldn't understand the lesson. During the day at home, all I would do was watch TV and sleep. I would try to do homework but fail in the end. I realized that I wasn't myself. What was wrong with me? why Im I having such a hard time in school and at home? I started having thoughts about how disgusting I was. Am I a burden to my parents? Im going nowhere in the future, there's nothing special about me, I'm fat, Im I even worth it? I'll be strait up with you guys...I've thought about suicide so many times just to end the pain. I was at my lowest during this time. I had beaten myself up mentally saying Im not good enough for this place, and it scared me. Now that I look back at my experience, I realize I wouldn't be the girl I am now without it. I wanted something that would make me happy and give me a reason to live. I had finally found something that brought me happiness...and it was fashion. So there would really be no blog if I hadn't gone through this haha.
Depression is such a serious issue that it needs to be taken care of. I just want you to know that if you are going though depression, you are not alone. There are so many people that love you and care for you even though you don't see it. Look for things to make you happy! Go out and live your life and don't be afraid to be yourself. That was my main problem, I was pretending to be someone else before and seriously...it's not as fun. One of the reason I wanted to write this blog was because for the first time I talked to someone about depression and surprisingly enough, they had gone through it too. I want to let you know that it gets better and that there's a-lot of people out there with the same problem. Whether you see it or not, its you who has to make the change. If you see a person sitting by them self's or just being weird, please don't judge them. You don't know what they've been through. No one is perfect. SO I challenge you guys to just say hi to someone in the hallways, or give your friend a hug. You never know what they're going through. I hope this blogpost inspires you guys to help people that are going to depression, and let them know that they are loved. Stay classy xx
-Andy
P.S Im not doing this for attention or for a pity party. Sorry for the very depressing post but I know that because of some people who talked about depression saved me. And I want to save someone too. You never know. xx
